◆ PATCH NOTES ◆

What Changed While You Were Sleeping

Official record of alterations to the realm, as dictated by a Warden who would rather be fishing.

Version 1.8 · 21 October 2026

Everything Fits. Even Your Ego.

Your backpack learned geometry

All 28 inventory slots now fit on one screen without scrolling. Your 400 cabbages remain, regrettably, visible all at once.

Phones go sideways now

The realm is played in landscape. Hold your phone upright and a polite notice asks you to rotate it. The goblins agreed to wait. Mostly.

Health above stamina, as the gods intended

Your health bar now sits on top of your stamina bar, so you can watch yourself die before you watch yourself get tired.

The minimap got its face back

In full screen, the minimap is large again and nothing is glued on top of it. World info, the sky dial and Log out moved into tidy rows above.

Sinks stopped dispensing lava

Cinderforge's taps and basins now hold drinking water. Residents report fewer scalded eyebrows and slightly worse tea.

A poster worth stealing

The world map now prints a large parchment poster drawn from the real realm, with every town, river and dam named. A small overview map shows where you are looking.

Creatures stopped teleporting

Monsters now glide between tiles, breathe while idle and bounce a little when they run. Rats are now rat-sized. Dragons are now regrettably dragon-sized.

Bigger beasts, bigger bones

Creatures level 30 and up drop Big bones (50 Prayer XP). Dragon bones are worth 200. Home shrines still triple it, and the Wardens still pretend not to count.

A poster painted by hand (ours)

The home page map is now a painted parchment poster with every name spelled correctly, which took longer than painting the dragons.

Bones, briefly

Defeated creatures leave a small pile of bones for a few seconds before they come back. It is not respectful, but it is tidy.

Fifty per world

The home page finally admits each world holds 50 adventurers, not 25. The other 25 were hiding behind a barrel.

Version 1.7 · 18 October 2026

The Emperor Has Bought Some Clothes

The Gilded Thread

Madam Seraphine has opened an apparel house in the Grand Concourse. Wardrobes, a mirror, a changing curtain: civilisation at last. Pipkin carries the same patterns along the Crown road in a cart. You may preview before paying, which is more than the goblins offer.

Gold buys velvet. Deeds buy swagger.

Hair and colour changes cost 50 gp. Road silk costs 250 gp; gala velvet costs 2,500. Patterns are permanent and free to re-wear. The Watch and harbour quest lines, Crafting 35 and 25 goblin victories unlock exclusive looks. Your armour stats survive the fitting.

Dance on your accomplishments

Earn the Watchkeeper salute, harbour reel, needlework shuffle and goblin victory stomp from the matching adventures. Participate in a holiday to learn the celebration waltz forever. Basic emotes stay free. The goblins have requested that you stop dancing on their paperwork.

Version 1.6 · 18 October 2026

Dress to Impress. Or Alarm.

A wardrobe with a past

Woven hats, stitched hoods and pocketed coats join the crafting table. Goblins occasionally surrender a patchwork hood; dusk stalkers very reluctantly surrender an antler crown. The Watch and harbour quests now award dress apparel, too. Separate outfit and headwear slots keep fashion from rewriting your armour stats.

The council discovered calendars

The annual almanac is here. Administrators can schedule celebrations, write a participation riddle and choose that year's crown, coat or hood. Solve it while the event is live to earn a keepsake in your Market collection box. One reward per adventurer per event. No time travel, no duplicate hats, no goose-shaped loopholes.

Townsfolk, now with tailoring

Regional outfits gained cuffs, seams, buckles and embroidery; speaking portraits gained layered stitching and individual shoulder ornaments. Nobody has agreed to wash the goblin hood.

Version 1.5 · 18 October 2026

The Townsfolk Found Their Voices

Actual talking. Finally.

Quest characters and island instructors now speak their lines with consistent individual performances. Familiar faces keep their voices on your next visit. Your replies remain silent: even heroes deserve to avoid hearing themselves negotiate over shrimp.

A face for the name

Conversation portraits now have individual hairstyles, noses, eyes, skin tones, wrinkles, freckles, scars, spectacles and hats suited to their trade. Mouths move with the actual voice, not an imaginary chewing schedule. The miners insisted on helmets. Sensible.

Quiet, please

Character voices and their volume have their own controls in Settings. Replay repeats the saved recording; the first visit to a new line may take a moment while the character finds their voice. Nobody has charged you twice for the same joke on purpose.

Version 1.4 · 18 October 2026

The Grand Concourse & Other Bad Decisions

The Grand Concourse is open

One market to rule them all. Every trade in every world now passes through the Grand Concourse beside the capital, which means the person who sold you that overpriced lobster was, statistically, standing within shouting distance. The benches are for making friends. The fountain is not for swimming. Stop asking.

The Ashen Wilderness

Beyond the great palisade, the law ends and the teeth begin. It is full PvP out there, the monsters get stronger the further you wander, and anything that outranks you will attack on sight. The gate is clearly signposted. If you walked through it anyway, that is between you and your god.

Eight new ways to die

Meet the Reef Reaper, Stormwing, the Lantern Maw, the Drowned Captain, the Obsidian Knight, the Hollow Stag, the Tidebound Colossus and the Sail Eater. The Lantern Maw mimics a harbour light to lure boats in. Sailors keep falling for it. The light is very pretty.

The Isle of Cinder-Tide

A vast island of banana plantations, black beaches and a volcano with anger issues, complete with caves underneath for those who like their sightseeing pre-cooked. Solve the Harbour of False Lights in Saltwind and the dockmaster will take you. He does not do refunds.

Combat now tells you the truth

Every creature has opinions about your weapon. Arrows ruin anything with wings. Magic cracks armour like an egg. Ghosts find swords hilarious. Your target's name, level, type and health now show when you fight, so you can watch your mistakes in detail.

The ground has feelings

The flat green squares are gone. Hills rise, valleys sink, buildings and cliffs tower properly, and your character actually climbs and descends as you walk. Legs sold separately.

A map worth staring at

The world atlas is now a proper illustrated parchment map. Zoom in and it confesses its secrets: named mines, fishing spots, roads and ruins. Zoom out and it just looks smug.

Towns have specialised

Not every town has a bank any more, and not every forge has an anvil. This is called 'economy'. Your legs will learn to love it. Homes can now only be reached from Briarholm, Rosekeep and Mosswood, because even adventurers need a commute.

Version 1.3 · Earlier, in the before-times

Seals, Merchants & Questionable Footwear

The Boots of the Zephyr

Collect all twelve town vault seals, carry them to the Shrine of the Zephyr, and a god will reward your hoarding with boots that make you 20% faster. The seals are untradeable. The smugness is unlimited.

Two travelling merchants

Barnaby the Roadfarer and Madam Vivienne now roam the roads selling things you cannot get anywhere else. They move on a shared clock, so everyone sees them in the same place. No, you cannot rob them. People have tried. The people are fine now, mostly.

Your bank got organised

The vault now sorts itself into tidy categories and holds 50 item stacks. It did this itself, overnight, without being asked. Slightly unsettling, but convenient.

Roaming wildlife

Imps, goblins, fairies, horses, rams, wolves and bandits now wander between towns. The fairies are friendly. The bandits are also friendly, until you check your pockets.

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